I dont really know where to start, my life has been a rollercoaster ride since birth, sometimes bad, sometimes good. My parents made me grow up way too fast, and I had to be the adult one. When I was little my mother moved from time to time to evoid my dad that was an alcoholic at the time, she shared way too much with me and I worried alot. In school (since I started at school), I`ve been a bully-victim and such and I ended up with big problems with ever trusting people because they always stabbed me in the back (even how close we were) just to be popular. So lets just say that: I am not the biggest fan of what you can call "mainstream people", they are generally shallow and they are climbing the social ladder like crazy, and they aren`t capable of an opinion of their own, they need a leader, someone to guide them (normally).
When I was an elementary school student I lived in a nice neighborhood, but still, I got bullied there aswell, and the reason you say? I was the nice kid, the naive one and I didn`t stand up for myself, but still I didn`t want to change the person that I was. People thought I was weird, but I now think that they were actually jealous that I was who I was and in the end I didn`t give a fudge, even thou that the bullying was so damn hurtfull and I constantly felt alone, and somehow I still feel that way. My dad lived with us that time, and we acted like a family, and sometimes it was awesome sitting in the car driving to nice places and stuff. But there was also the dark times, hidden long away in my memory. Secrets, lies and deceptions.
I am going to make this post short so I will skip alot and maybe write about them later, but there is so much history and I don`t have the pacient to write so much, especially in english.
My mother moved to Arendal when I was supposed to start high school in Sandefjord, with no reason (no reason, okey, she was sick of him) she moved from my dad and at the time she left me behind. I was traveling to her that summer, and I stayed there and went to school. After that moment my dad followed us, and there was so much fighting for parent rights of me that I was dragged back and forth for about 3 years or so. There was drugs involved, bad people, bad acts from their side while I was little miss sunshine that always tried to smile even thou how tough my life was. about six years ago my dad first got cancer in his eye, he had to remove his eye. Then the cancer was gone, and four years ago he got it back, then I lived with him and only him. I knew he was dying, so I watched the whole process. The doctor said that he was going to die within a year, he lasted a little longer than that time, but he clinged to life because he didn`t want to leave me, he loved me more that life itself. I was daddy`s little girl and I love him so much even thou its three years since he passed away. He may have been a trouble maker almost his whole life, but when he finally got things in order, he died. Life is so fragile, but I will talk more about this subject later on.
And ofcourse I was being left out of groups here in Arendal aswell. But when I went to college I met alot of cool people and my life come to a turn. I was happy in an metal environment and people axepted me for who I was. And that ofc has changed, and the few people left in the city is changing to "mainstream" and are not fun anymore, And I really miss people I can hang with, drink with and game with. But I atleast have a boyfriend that does those things with me, and we`ve been together for a year but we known eachother for two, almost three years. he has a kid, that I also love (not my kid, but at heart he is!), and I feel way too lucky to have people caring for me and loving me, sometimes I just don`t feel like I`m worth it, why should people care? I still feel like the lonely wolf on the mountain, howling to the moon.
Love L ;)